Wednesday, February 28, 2007
you know what I really want?
Maternity leave. I think I'll grant that to myself for the rest of the day and write thank you notes for my baby shower gifts.
on a lighter note
Baby day is rapidly approaching. Six weeks to go. My father called me yesterday to ask when I intend to have the baby. Seriously. He has to schedule something in April and wanted my input. I told him that I fully intend to have the baby by Easter, but I can't be assured that she will comply. And I tried the at-home labor inducing methods the first time around, and they don't work. None of them. Baby comes when baby comes. But she is coming soon.
waiting, waiting...
I did send my revised proposal off to my advisor last week, but I have heard nothing yet. He had papers to grade but assures me that I am approaching the top of his list. I have deadlines for funding applications in a week and a half, and I have to get my proposal filed by then.
On one hand, I am concerned because I expect that I will have to do more revisions. I did not add the chapter he suggested that I add, and even though I intended to work on that part while he reviewed the rest, it is hard for me to do it until I get word back from him that, indeed, I have to do it. So I will probably have to do more revisions (quickly!) and then circulate it to the rest of the committee and then file it by next Friday. Doesn't seem likely to happen.
On the other hand, I don't think I'll get the funding I am applying for because I know who else is applying. Maybe that's an inferiority complex. And maybe that's just realistic. But either way, I don't really even want to apply because I feel like I'm wasting my time. There is another deadline in April, and I actually do feel okay about that one. I just don't want to rush through next week trying to pull it all together and turn in less-than-impressive materials.
Maybe if I'd heard from my advisor by now I'd feel differently. But I doubt it. And I'm not upset with him because it's my fault that I took so long to produce the revisions.
And I'm having another case of "not smart enough"--not fishing for compliments or reassurance here, just expressing that feeling. It creeps in from time to time, and based on my Google referrals, I am not alone. Of all the other phrases that bring people here, the words "not smart enough" show up most often on the referrer list.
Blah.
On one hand, I am concerned because I expect that I will have to do more revisions. I did not add the chapter he suggested that I add, and even though I intended to work on that part while he reviewed the rest, it is hard for me to do it until I get word back from him that, indeed, I have to do it. So I will probably have to do more revisions (quickly!) and then circulate it to the rest of the committee and then file it by next Friday. Doesn't seem likely to happen.
On the other hand, I don't think I'll get the funding I am applying for because I know who else is applying. Maybe that's an inferiority complex. And maybe that's just realistic. But either way, I don't really even want to apply because I feel like I'm wasting my time. There is another deadline in April, and I actually do feel okay about that one. I just don't want to rush through next week trying to pull it all together and turn in less-than-impressive materials.
Maybe if I'd heard from my advisor by now I'd feel differently. But I doubt it. And I'm not upset with him because it's my fault that I took so long to produce the revisions.
And I'm having another case of "not smart enough"--not fishing for compliments or reassurance here, just expressing that feeling. It creeps in from time to time, and based on my Google referrals, I am not alone. Of all the other phrases that bring people here, the words "not smart enough" show up most often on the referrer list.
Blah.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Some more on DePauw DZs
This story continues to bother me for two main reasons: I am a an alumna of Delta Zeta (yes, I was a sorority girl), and in the past ten years, I have spent a great deal of time with undergraduate women, as an undergrad myself and then as a teacher. There is no need for me to add to the general discussion of the Greek system and its problems and inherent flaws. And there is no need to restate how awful it is to exclude people based on appearance--that is clear and has been discussed extensively across the blogosphere and various media outlets.
I've been reading about this event from the perspective of all sides, including the official word from DZ nationals, and what is always at the front of my mind is the humiliation and rejection that these undergraduate women must have felt. Broader issues are certainly at hand, but my mind is on the individuals who were told that they are not good enough. Whether you call it "buying friends" or any of the other stereotypical characterizations of sororities, these young women, away from their families, were looking for a place to fit in and feel loved. And they were cast out by a form letter. Not just out of a club but out of the place they lived! How devastating that must have been for their self images!
There are many sides to the issue and many people to blame (the university, for one, which is up in arms over DZ's actions but didn't mind a few months ago when the whole chapter was about to close its doors and turn its property over to the school). One member from DePauw, pointing fingers at many guilty parties, reminds us that these women were treated badly by their fellow students for years before this happened. It is pointless for me to criticize DZ further for discrimination--plenty of people are doing that already and they, of course, continue to deny it, pointing repeatedly to their constitution and to the history of diversity in the sorority.
I want to say shame on you, Delta Zeta, for not treating these women with the common human decency to speak to them in person and to explain, if there was good reason as you claim, why they were kicked out. (And they were kicked out--we all know that alumna status means nothing when you're still on campus and have been evicted from your home!) Whatever your excuses and justifications, you told 23 women that they were no longer wanted, and you did it in a form letter. You hurt each of those women and they will have trouble recovering from such a blow. You owe them more than that.
DZ has acknowledged that they did not communicate well with the chapter, the university, and its alumnae. And they're doing a pretty weak job of communicating still. But whatever your admissions of guilt are at this point, it is too little, too late. You have done a lot of damage. You are not victims of the media that has "mischaracterized" an "isolated incident." You brought this down on yourself by failing to treat your members with sensitivity and respect and to simply care about the feelings of fellow human beings. I just hope that the solidarity that the former members have demonstrated will heal their emotional wounds and keep them from feeling isolated and ostracized.
I've been reading about this event from the perspective of all sides, including the official word from DZ nationals, and what is always at the front of my mind is the humiliation and rejection that these undergraduate women must have felt. Broader issues are certainly at hand, but my mind is on the individuals who were told that they are not good enough. Whether you call it "buying friends" or any of the other stereotypical characterizations of sororities, these young women, away from their families, were looking for a place to fit in and feel loved. And they were cast out by a form letter. Not just out of a club but out of the place they lived! How devastating that must have been for their self images!
There are many sides to the issue and many people to blame (the university, for one, which is up in arms over DZ's actions but didn't mind a few months ago when the whole chapter was about to close its doors and turn its property over to the school). One member from DePauw, pointing fingers at many guilty parties, reminds us that these women were treated badly by their fellow students for years before this happened. It is pointless for me to criticize DZ further for discrimination--plenty of people are doing that already and they, of course, continue to deny it, pointing repeatedly to their constitution and to the history of diversity in the sorority.
I want to say shame on you, Delta Zeta, for not treating these women with the common human decency to speak to them in person and to explain, if there was good reason as you claim, why they were kicked out. (And they were kicked out--we all know that alumna status means nothing when you're still on campus and have been evicted from your home!) Whatever your excuses and justifications, you told 23 women that they were no longer wanted, and you did it in a form letter. You hurt each of those women and they will have trouble recovering from such a blow. You owe them more than that.
DZ has acknowledged that they did not communicate well with the chapter, the university, and its alumnae. And they're doing a pretty weak job of communicating still. But whatever your admissions of guilt are at this point, it is too little, too late. You have done a lot of damage. You are not victims of the media that has "mischaracterized" an "isolated incident." You brought this down on yourself by failing to treat your members with sensitivity and respect and to simply care about the feelings of fellow human beings. I just hope that the solidarity that the former members have demonstrated will heal their emotional wounds and keep them from feeling isolated and ostracized.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Delta Zeta at DePauw
I am saddened and disgusted by these events.
Edited: I've noticed a lot of links to this post, so I want to link you to my second post on the topic.
Edited: I've noticed a lot of links to this post, so I want to link you to my second post on the topic.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
Updates on health, writing, and booties
I called the nurse and she said that most adults don't get Fifth disease even when caring for a child who has it (RB's cheeks turned bright red last night, illustrating why it is called "slapped face disease"). So they don't want me to come in unless I have flu symptoms or a rash. Because if I do have it, there's nothing they can do, anyway. It still bothers me because I have the internet at my fingertips and the late pregnancy insomnia and I read all the terrible things that can happen to a fetus if the mother has Fifth disease. And I have all of the symptoms, except a rash, because my allergies are going crazy right now and my joints are sore from the pregnancy. So how do I know the difference between allergy sick and pregnancy sick and actual disease sick? I thought I'd feel better if I went to the doctor, but I actually feel better because the doctor doesn't want to see me. She's not worried, so I won't worry. Much.
As for the peanut butter, we've eaten half a jar and we have no signs of food poisoning, so we'll just assume it's all clear and I'll go buy some Jif today. Somehow knowing that I am not supposed to eat the peanut butter makes me really want to eat some peanut butter.
And after my moment of blog catharsis yesterday, I wrote three solid pages. Maybe I can do that again today. I tried to work after RB went to bed, but I was just too tired to think that hard. And too busy researching all my potentially devastating ailments.
I declare that the evenings will now be devoted to booties, and I will not feel guilty about it for one moment.
As for the peanut butter, we've eaten half a jar and we have no signs of food poisoning, so we'll just assume it's all clear and I'll go buy some Jif today. Somehow knowing that I am not supposed to eat the peanut butter makes me really want to eat some peanut butter.
And after my moment of blog catharsis yesterday, I wrote three solid pages. Maybe I can do that again today. I tried to work after RB went to bed, but I was just too tired to think that hard. And too busy researching all my potentially devastating ailments.
I declare that the evenings will now be devoted to booties, and I will not feel guilty about it for one moment.
It's always something
Yes, it's 3:00 a.m. I can't sleep.
I have been exposed to Fifth disease, and I ate the salmonella peanut butter. Tomorrow I go to the doctor.
Sigh.
I have been exposed to Fifth disease, and I ate the salmonella peanut butter. Tomorrow I go to the doctor.
Sigh.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
unmotivated
I have never had a problem with self-discipline. I have always been on top of things. My adviser called me "remarkably efficient." Two years ago. Not anymore. I feel like I don't accomplish anything. Maybe the problem is that I've never been in the position where I had to make myself do something I really didn't want to do. I've had to do things I didn't want to do, but it was always for a class that had a solid deadline imposed by someone else. When I've had to discipline myself to get things done, I have always been interested in the task and motivated to complete it. Now I find myself with a task in which I am completely uninterested--rewriting the diss proposal--and I have to make myself do it because no one else is going to make me. There are some funding deadlines coming up, and I thought that would help, but no. Probably because I don't think I'll get the funding. There is no reason that my proposal shouldn't have been done and filed months ago. I feel like a loser.
Supadiscomama has suggested that pregnancy might be to blame for my lack of interest. At this point in my first pregnancy, it was May and school was out, and I spent my days floating in the pool, eating ice cream, and crocheting baby booties. I would love to make some baby booties right now. That would make me happy. But I must write. Seriously, Sarah. Write something. Today.
Supadiscomama has suggested that pregnancy might be to blame for my lack of interest. At this point in my first pregnancy, it was May and school was out, and I spent my days floating in the pool, eating ice cream, and crocheting baby booties. I would love to make some baby booties right now. That would make me happy. But I must write. Seriously, Sarah. Write something. Today.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
question while grading
What do you tell a student who frequently uses the wrong words? Lots of people use wrong words, especially when they are trying to sound smart or vary their vocabulary. I've done it. But some people do it all the time (like my brother! if you're reading this, sorry, man, but you do it a lot). How do you help them? I'm pointing out the individual words that he has used incorrectly, but what do I say about the general habit of using words when he doesn't know what they mean. Because he probably thinks he does know what they mean.
I don't worry about him too much. He could be our president one day.
I don't worry about him too much. He could be our president one day.
Blogiversary
Mommy, Ph.D. is one year old today. 222 posts. 10, 422 unique visitors. Happy blogiversary to me.
Monday, February 12, 2007
more insights from the child
Yesterday, RB said to me, "You're my mommy-baby-sister." Even though she talks to her unborn sister and even tells her, "Stop kicking Mommy, Annabelle," she still thinks of us as a package deal. It made me think of the concept of maternal-fetal conflict and how before ultrasounds could project images of fetuses separate from mothers, the mother and the unborn child could not really be imagined as separate individuals. I do love the technology available to me to let me hear my baby's heart and even see her face before she's born. But I also prefer to think of us still as one unit. We share a body, blood, nutrients, everything. One day she'll be a separate person, but for now we are "mommy-baby-sister" all in one.
And I love when my toddler gives me such wonderful insight into how she understands the world.
And I love when my toddler gives me such wonderful insight into how she understands the world.
feed settings
For those who have requested it, I have changed my feed settings so that full posts are sent through feeds now. Thanks for reading :)
Teaching Web 2.0, part 2
(I know it's long, but I hope you'll still read it, especially if you're a writing teacher.)
As I mentioned in this post, I have chosen to analyze user-generated web content in my Advanced Composition class because most students are already personally invested in it and because it raises interesting issues about composition.
I have to keep the discussion of the latter part on the light side because I don't think they're entirely ready to deal with those issues in depth. Part of that is because, despite what the title of the class seems to indicate, this is a sophomore-level course. They are still dealing with a lot of writing issues that are covered in freshman composition, which many students never actually took because there are so many ways to get out of it. What I want them to do, mainly, is to expand their concept of writing to include composition on the web, with its fluidity and temporality and globality and hypertextuality and collaborativality (okay, so that's not a word--I got carried away). I want them to think about what they write online as writing.
The major obstacle to that is a continued attachment to paper. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like paper. Paper is fine. But there are all these new ways to write that don't quite feel as legitimate as paper. The traditional academic paper with its page counts and red pen grade marking. Anything else seems less serious, less academic. They (we, everybody) need to be able to take electronic texts seriously, as they read them and as they compose them. To that end, I'm conducting an almost paper-free class (with the exception of the textbook) to distance them from paper and force them to participate in electronic composition and communication for a grade (and doesn't that somehow make it real and legitimate--when it's for a grade?).
But I'm not doing anything especially revolutionary here. I think that I could have gone much farther, but I'm holding back. I'm still requiring the traditional academic papers that are in the familiar paper format. They are composed, submitted, peer reviewed, and graded entirely electronically--never printed out. But still, the electronic versions of the papers are just an imitation of the printed papers. They have the same visual format, the same page breaks, the same everything, just appearing as an image on the computer screen instead of in their hands. Even that much distance from paper is unsettling for some. In his course evaluation last semester, one student from Technical Writing, a totally web-based class, lamented the loss of the red pen on his graded papers. He felt like the electronic grademarking, which mimics the red pen, was not as effective.
I am keeping the traditional paper format this semester for several reasons. One is that I have an obligation to them to prepare them for academic writing that will be required of them in other classes. Even though they were supposed to learn the conventions of academic writing in freshman comp, I still feel like I would be misleading them if I attempted to change the way they conceive of academic writing when in reality the college papers that are assigned in every class are not much changed. Another reason is that they are comfortable with the traditional format, and they feel more like they understand what is expected of them. If I tried to turn their whole notion of writing upside-down, I think that they would be so distracted, and some of them upset, trying to figure out "what I'm looking for" in their writing projects that I would have to sacrifice a lot of the work that I want to do with them. I'm not sure that they would be better writers at the end of the class, and to make them better writers is my primary goal.
Also, I must admit, the traditional paper format is more comfortable to me because I know how to grade it. I know how to grade it because I have written many and they have been graded and I have modeled my grading on my experiences as a student. (This is the first time I've really connected grading with being a student, but isn't that how we learn how to grade? Certainly no one has ever taught me how to grade a paper.) When I assign innovative projects, I am frequently pleased with the results but also left with the problem of trying to assign grades for which I have no previous reference. I just don't know what to do with them.
So what I'm doing this semester is easing them into electronic, web-based composition for low-stakes assignments but still taking the biggest parts of their grades from traditional papers. I am asking them to analyze electronic communication and write papers about it, which I guess is another way of easing them into the thing. We are using "Web 2.0," or user-generated content, or whatever you want to call it, every day, but our foundation is still paper, even if that paper appears as an image on the screen. I think that I've made the right decisions for the class (actually, I may have gotten in trouble with the department had I done anything too different), but I still feel like I'm doing it half-way, holding back. And the result of that is that I feel like I am trying to sell my students on something and they're not really buying it.
As I mentioned in this post, I have chosen to analyze user-generated web content in my Advanced Composition class because most students are already personally invested in it and because it raises interesting issues about composition.
I have to keep the discussion of the latter part on the light side because I don't think they're entirely ready to deal with those issues in depth. Part of that is because, despite what the title of the class seems to indicate, this is a sophomore-level course. They are still dealing with a lot of writing issues that are covered in freshman composition, which many students never actually took because there are so many ways to get out of it. What I want them to do, mainly, is to expand their concept of writing to include composition on the web, with its fluidity and temporality and globality and hypertextuality and collaborativality (okay, so that's not a word--I got carried away). I want them to think about what they write online as writing.
The major obstacle to that is a continued attachment to paper. Now, I'm not saying that I don't like paper. Paper is fine. But there are all these new ways to write that don't quite feel as legitimate as paper. The traditional academic paper with its page counts and red pen grade marking. Anything else seems less serious, less academic. They (we, everybody) need to be able to take electronic texts seriously, as they read them and as they compose them. To that end, I'm conducting an almost paper-free class (with the exception of the textbook) to distance them from paper and force them to participate in electronic composition and communication for a grade (and doesn't that somehow make it real and legitimate--when it's for a grade?).
But I'm not doing anything especially revolutionary here. I think that I could have gone much farther, but I'm holding back. I'm still requiring the traditional academic papers that are in the familiar paper format. They are composed, submitted, peer reviewed, and graded entirely electronically--never printed out. But still, the electronic versions of the papers are just an imitation of the printed papers. They have the same visual format, the same page breaks, the same everything, just appearing as an image on the computer screen instead of in their hands. Even that much distance from paper is unsettling for some. In his course evaluation last semester, one student from Technical Writing, a totally web-based class, lamented the loss of the red pen on his graded papers. He felt like the electronic grademarking, which mimics the red pen, was not as effective.
I am keeping the traditional paper format this semester for several reasons. One is that I have an obligation to them to prepare them for academic writing that will be required of them in other classes. Even though they were supposed to learn the conventions of academic writing in freshman comp, I still feel like I would be misleading them if I attempted to change the way they conceive of academic writing when in reality the college papers that are assigned in every class are not much changed. Another reason is that they are comfortable with the traditional format, and they feel more like they understand what is expected of them. If I tried to turn their whole notion of writing upside-down, I think that they would be so distracted, and some of them upset, trying to figure out "what I'm looking for" in their writing projects that I would have to sacrifice a lot of the work that I want to do with them. I'm not sure that they would be better writers at the end of the class, and to make them better writers is my primary goal.
Also, I must admit, the traditional paper format is more comfortable to me because I know how to grade it. I know how to grade it because I have written many and they have been graded and I have modeled my grading on my experiences as a student. (This is the first time I've really connected grading with being a student, but isn't that how we learn how to grade? Certainly no one has ever taught me how to grade a paper.) When I assign innovative projects, I am frequently pleased with the results but also left with the problem of trying to assign grades for which I have no previous reference. I just don't know what to do with them.
So what I'm doing this semester is easing them into electronic, web-based composition for low-stakes assignments but still taking the biggest parts of their grades from traditional papers. I am asking them to analyze electronic communication and write papers about it, which I guess is another way of easing them into the thing. We are using "Web 2.0," or user-generated content, or whatever you want to call it, every day, but our foundation is still paper, even if that paper appears as an image on the screen. I think that I've made the right decisions for the class (actually, I may have gotten in trouble with the department had I done anything too different), but I still feel like I'm doing it half-way, holding back. And the result of that is that I feel like I am trying to sell my students on something and they're not really buying it.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Teaching Web 2.0, part 1
The theme of my Advanced Composition class is not technology or user-generated web, but it is a huge component. The theme is actually "Identity and Community," and under that umbrella, we're looking at the ways in which identity and community are constructed and expressed via electronic communication (I know I've described this before, but I thought a recap was in order). We're using blogs and message boards and the class is almost paperless, so the technology is in use all the time, but we're starting a four-week unit next week in which we'll study specifically web communication and virtual communities. And I'm showing this video.
The concept that underlies Web 2.0 is not exactly new. The internet has been connecting people and allowing people to create their own content for a very long time. What the video points out, though, is that those services that are being called Web 2.0 now have removed the need to understand coding and programming and "how" technology works by making user-friendly, accessible programs that allow people to put whatever they want online without any advanced technological knowledge. Those kinds of programs have also been around for a while, but now they are pervasive. Everybody's doing it. And while the questions of authorship and copyright and even relationships that the video's ending alludes to are also not really new--they were around long before Flickr and MySpace and Blogger--the exponential growth of Web 2.0 has brought those questions to the radar of many more people who don't necessarily identify themselves as artists, authors, or academics.
So what about teaching? I selected this topic for two reasons. It is timely and interesting to students, which hopefully will help them to enjoy the class and encourage them to put more effort into their writing assignments. And it presents intriguing questions about composition. With my theme, we are focused more on the first part. I'm asking students to be self-conscious about their use of user-generated web and to really consider its function and potential in their lives. Based on their blogs, I think that a lot of them do not realize how prominent the internet is in their personal lives, and I suspect that is because it is so commonplace that they find it unremarkable. I asked them to blog about their use of the internet, and several of them immediately stated that they could not live without it. They are plugged in all the time and feel anxious when they are away from it. But many others were reluctant to make such a statement, adamant that they are not "addicted" (a word used frequently among them) to the internet. Their entries almost ran on a pattern--They would insist from the beginning that they don't use the computer that much, mostly just for school. Then they would start to list the things they did online regularly, and the lists became lengthy, even as they continued to insist that they were not that "attached" to it. It went something like this: I don't use the internet much and I just don't understand why people are so attached to it and spend hours on the computer. But I use it all the time to do school work. And to talk to friends and family. And post pictures. And I have to check Facebook every day. But I don't really use it that much.
Issues of composition and authorship are not on their minds (except maybe for the guy who writes music and posts his songs online). Whether they are conscious of it or not, they are invested in the internet as a social tool (and secondarily, I think, as a learning tool). I've been easing them into thinking about it critically, and next week we're hitting it hard as they start writing papers that analyze virtual communities (primary research--yea!). Which brings me to the second big issue--composition. But not today. I don't like long blog posts, and I just wrote one, so now it's time to stop.
The next installment will come soon. And I will respond to the "Academia 2.o" video, which is really about something different.
The concept that underlies Web 2.0 is not exactly new. The internet has been connecting people and allowing people to create their own content for a very long time. What the video points out, though, is that those services that are being called Web 2.0 now have removed the need to understand coding and programming and "how" technology works by making user-friendly, accessible programs that allow people to put whatever they want online without any advanced technological knowledge. Those kinds of programs have also been around for a while, but now they are pervasive. Everybody's doing it. And while the questions of authorship and copyright and even relationships that the video's ending alludes to are also not really new--they were around long before Flickr and MySpace and Blogger--the exponential growth of Web 2.0 has brought those questions to the radar of many more people who don't necessarily identify themselves as artists, authors, or academics.
So what about teaching? I selected this topic for two reasons. It is timely and interesting to students, which hopefully will help them to enjoy the class and encourage them to put more effort into their writing assignments. And it presents intriguing questions about composition. With my theme, we are focused more on the first part. I'm asking students to be self-conscious about their use of user-generated web and to really consider its function and potential in their lives. Based on their blogs, I think that a lot of them do not realize how prominent the internet is in their personal lives, and I suspect that is because it is so commonplace that they find it unremarkable. I asked them to blog about their use of the internet, and several of them immediately stated that they could not live without it. They are plugged in all the time and feel anxious when they are away from it. But many others were reluctant to make such a statement, adamant that they are not "addicted" (a word used frequently among them) to the internet. Their entries almost ran on a pattern--They would insist from the beginning that they don't use the computer that much, mostly just for school. Then they would start to list the things they did online regularly, and the lists became lengthy, even as they continued to insist that they were not that "attached" to it. It went something like this: I don't use the internet much and I just don't understand why people are so attached to it and spend hours on the computer. But I use it all the time to do school work. And to talk to friends and family. And post pictures. And I have to check Facebook every day. But I don't really use it that much.
Issues of composition and authorship are not on their minds (except maybe for the guy who writes music and posts his songs online). Whether they are conscious of it or not, they are invested in the internet as a social tool (and secondarily, I think, as a learning tool). I've been easing them into thinking about it critically, and next week we're hitting it hard as they start writing papers that analyze virtual communities (primary research--yea!). Which brings me to the second big issue--composition. But not today. I don't like long blog posts, and I just wrote one, so now it's time to stop.
The next installment will come soon. And I will respond to the "Academia 2.o" video, which is really about something different.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Web 2.0 ... The Machine is Us/ing Us
This video is much less documentary-ish. I'm going to show it to my class next week.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
The child encounters religious ritual
(Which doesn't happen too often for a Baptist)
I've talked a bit about religion on the blog, and my dissertation (shall we assume for the moment that I am writing a dissertation) is on religion, but I can't recall how much I've revealed about my own religion. So I'm Baptist (insert stereotypes and assumptions here). My daughter goes to a Baptist church every Sunday, and she goes to a Lutheran preschool during the week. My sister-in-law (who is especially Baptist) was appalled that we were sending her to a Lutheran preschool, but my response was that they are not teaching her Lutheran doctrine at two years old. But this week I found out that they were baptising baby dolls at school (seriously!), and RB said that she is going to baptise her sister when she's born. This is an interesting coincidence because on Sunday we are going to a Methodist church to see a friend's baby baptised. Baptists don't baptise babies. I plan to bring Rebekah into the service at least for the baptism instead of sending her straight to the nursery. I think she will be very interested in the baptism since she has "participated" in one at school.
I don't have any specific thoughts on this right now--I'm sort of trying to work out how to handle it. Some of my questions are, What does RB understand about baptism at this age? What does she think is happening? Will she notice that her sister will not be baptised (at least not as an infant)? Will she ask if she was baptised? Should I explain that some churches baptise babies while others don't? Should I wait until she asks?
Our church does have a nice baby dedication service that will sort of take the place of a baptism service (certainly not the same thing but it might look similar to a young child). Perhaps it will be enough to explain that some churches use water and some do not. But that's not really the truth. And I have a feeling that it is going to be more complicated than that even for RB.
So this post just sets up the problem. Maybe I will have more later when we start working these things out. For now, I am listening to what she has to say. And she does have things to say.
I've talked a bit about religion on the blog, and my dissertation (shall we assume for the moment that I am writing a dissertation) is on religion, but I can't recall how much I've revealed about my own religion. So I'm Baptist (insert stereotypes and assumptions here). My daughter goes to a Baptist church every Sunday, and she goes to a Lutheran preschool during the week. My sister-in-law (who is especially Baptist) was appalled that we were sending her to a Lutheran preschool, but my response was that they are not teaching her Lutheran doctrine at two years old. But this week I found out that they were baptising baby dolls at school (seriously!), and RB said that she is going to baptise her sister when she's born. This is an interesting coincidence because on Sunday we are going to a Methodist church to see a friend's baby baptised. Baptists don't baptise babies. I plan to bring Rebekah into the service at least for the baptism instead of sending her straight to the nursery. I think she will be very interested in the baptism since she has "participated" in one at school.
I don't have any specific thoughts on this right now--I'm sort of trying to work out how to handle it. Some of my questions are, What does RB understand about baptism at this age? What does she think is happening? Will she notice that her sister will not be baptised (at least not as an infant)? Will she ask if she was baptised? Should I explain that some churches baptise babies while others don't? Should I wait until she asks?
Our church does have a nice baby dedication service that will sort of take the place of a baptism service (certainly not the same thing but it might look similar to a young child). Perhaps it will be enough to explain that some churches use water and some do not. But that's not really the truth. And I have a feeling that it is going to be more complicated than that even for RB.
So this post just sets up the problem. Maybe I will have more later when we start working these things out. For now, I am listening to what she has to say. And she does have things to say.
ABD is not really so fun
Studying for prelims was way better.
I actually don't feel so run down and frustrated right now. I'm not crying today. I'm not exhausted. I'm drinking a large cup of coffee in celebration of a story on the Today show that announced that drinking even large amounts of coffee daily is safe for pregnant women. (Not that I gave up coffee, but I was still glad to see the official annoucement. But Supadiscomama reminds me that I better wean myself off before AB comes along because caffeine and breastfeeding makes for jittery baby.)
What concerns me is that the fantasy to just quit where I am lingers, even in my calm, rational state. The idea of rewriting my dissertation proposal right now (which I am supposed to be doing right now--or more accurately, three months ago) is almost more than I can fathom. I don't feel panicky. I just don't see how it's going to happen. Because I can't conceive of the project in any concrete way. The proposal feels superficial and insubstantial and just boring. I can't even feel angst over the diss right now because I can't envision a successful proposal. If my project were to write an article over any of the primary texts, I would feel supremely confident. And I would actually do it. I actually think that I could jump into a chapter and move along pretty well. But the proposal is a strange genre that carries no meaning for me and will be seen by maybe four people yet is the bane of my existence at the moment. I can't progress until it's done, and I just can't see it getting done.
I totally understand why people get to ABD and quit. And it scares me how appealing that idea is.
P.S. I won't be quitting. My husband has sacrificed too much for my degree. He is actually my motivation right now.
Private P.S. to Supadiscomama: He's being nice again, so I like him now :)
I actually don't feel so run down and frustrated right now. I'm not crying today. I'm not exhausted. I'm drinking a large cup of coffee in celebration of a story on the Today show that announced that drinking even large amounts of coffee daily is safe for pregnant women. (Not that I gave up coffee, but I was still glad to see the official annoucement. But Supadiscomama reminds me that I better wean myself off before AB comes along because caffeine and breastfeeding makes for jittery baby.)
What concerns me is that the fantasy to just quit where I am lingers, even in my calm, rational state. The idea of rewriting my dissertation proposal right now (which I am supposed to be doing right now--or more accurately, three months ago) is almost more than I can fathom. I don't feel panicky. I just don't see how it's going to happen. Because I can't conceive of the project in any concrete way. The proposal feels superficial and insubstantial and just boring. I can't even feel angst over the diss right now because I can't envision a successful proposal. If my project were to write an article over any of the primary texts, I would feel supremely confident. And I would actually do it. I actually think that I could jump into a chapter and move along pretty well. But the proposal is a strange genre that carries no meaning for me and will be seen by maybe four people yet is the bane of my existence at the moment. I can't progress until it's done, and I just can't see it getting done.
I totally understand why people get to ABD and quit. And it scares me how appealing that idea is.
P.S. I won't be quitting. My husband has sacrificed too much for my degree. He is actually my motivation right now.
Private P.S. to Supadiscomama: He's being nice again, so I like him now :)
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