Got an email from my absent advisor (been on leave all year) on my little pieces of diss proposal. He is offering to talk on the phone, but for some reason I don't feel like that would work better than email. I need face time. In the email he's directing me away from something I had begun to feel comfortable with--his word was "bored"--back to something much harder to think about and write about. He's right. Hence the anxiety. I feel like I am never going to write this proposal. Because I'm afraid of it. I need face time. My other committee members are great, but I haven't decided whether to go to one of them yet. Or which one to go to. Sometimes I think that going to too many people at this point might make things worse. Or it could get me back in motion. I told my friend yesterday that I had lost momentum. He asked if I'd hit a wall. Not so much a wall--more like mud. Thick, heavy mud.
I think I'll listen to Nickel Creek today. Maybe I won't cry.
I have family visiting this weekend. I have to clean my house. When am I supposed to do that before tomorrow night? Maybe I'll just have a dirty house. They'll still love me.
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1 comment:
Oh My worD! Did I just write that post!?
Because that's SO me right now. (Only I'm the absent student and I'm finishing the stupid master's thesis, thanking myself over and over for deciding not to write a diss as absent student...long story.)
But I know what you mean:
Absent.
Thick mud. Anxiety.
Nickel Creek. Maybe I won't cry.
Dirty house. (Hey, I figure if the toilet is clean, the floor swept, and the toys reasonably picked up, I'm doing pretty well.)
Hang in there!
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