the g-word

A few months ago, I started to realize that my daughter is verbally advanced far beyond many children her age. She has a large vocabulary, constructs complex sentence structures, and articulates emotions. I was a bit startled when all of this came together right before her second birthday, partly because I had not really been comparing her to other children her age until then. And I was frustrated because talking about it with other people was difficult.

Of course, I am pleased to see her doing so well, but I was also worried because I wasn't sure what my responsibility should be at that point. How do I respond to this? Does this mean she is gifted? If so, how do I nurture that? When I posted on the blog about it, I used the word gifted. Little did I know how loaded that word is!

I began a web search and started browsing some books on advanced toddlers, and what I found made me very uncomfortable. So much of the information I got began with talk of testing children to see if they are really gifted or just very bright. I am sure that there is a purpose to this distinction and a purpose to academic testing of toddlers, but I can't see what it is. Even the suggestion of it shocked me. I found tons of teaching materials for very young children and information about schools with special curricula, but it all smacked of pressure and pushing and competition, which I think has no place in the life of a two-year-old.

I have worked with RB at home on some academic skills--learning ABCs, numbers, shapes, colors, etc. But in her first two years, I did not rely on books or websites to tell me what to teach her. I watched her. Early on I tried to talk to her about colors, and she clearly had no interest, so I assumed she was too young and dropped it. Later I brought it up again and she was enthusiastic about it, so I thought she must be ready. That's how everything went. If she paid attention to it and enjoyed it, we did it. If not, I just took for granted that it was too soon and left it alone. And it has all been in the context of fun and games and play. RB goes to preschool with a curriculum and lesson plans and all that, but the way it actually happens is more like play time with a theme. One week, it's family members. One week it's food. One week it's the color red. This kind of play-learning, I believe (and I am not an expert on child development, of course), is the only kind appropriate for young children, and it also allows children of many developmental stages to be in the same class, doing activities together, learning at the individual pace of each child.

So the big question I had over the summer was do I teach her to read? I have decided that, no, I will not impose a strutured approach to teaching reading before she goes to kindergarten (but I am not criticizing those who do--this is a very personal choice). She is interested in reading and she loves books, and I am just going to keep reading to her, reading my own books in front of her, singing songs and playing games, and she will show me what she wants to learn. A good friend of mine has a son who is four and reads quite well without a formal curriculum of phonics exercises. He just picked it up by playing games and reading with his mom. Maybe RB will do that. Maybe she will learn to read in kindergarten. And that's totally okay! I learned to read in kindergarten, and I was six years old when I started. And I'm getting a Ph.D. in literature. Clearly, my reading life has gone well.

I think that too many people look at childhood as a race to be the first and the best, and that puts stress and pressure on parents and children alike. It also creates barriers to parents sharing the joyful (and painful) experiences of raising children because of the anxiety of competition among them. I have decided not to worry about that anymore. I will tell my cute kid stories, I will even brag sometimes, and I will happily listen to other parents brag about all of their cute kid stories. And I will not use the word "gifted" anymore. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.