Okay, I hesitate to say this, but my child is gifted. I know, I know, every parent thinks her child is a genius. But I'm serious. She is very bright. She is advanced beyond her peers. There. I said it. As her parent, I am concerned about this and want to talk about it, but I find it difficult. So I am going to start posting my thoughts about my gifted child and stop shying away from it, at least on the blog. I will probably not talk about it much IRL (and I'd like to add that I don't necessarily like the phrase "in real life" (IRL) here because this is real life--I'm really writing this, people are really reading it, there is real communication going on. So here I'm using it as a convention that everyone is familiar with in the context of online communication--meaning conversations in person with people I know personally. But I do consider this real life.)
The first post on this topic, then, will be about how I don't feel comfortable talking about my concerns about my gifted child. I feel even now as if I should run down a list of the reasons that I think that she is gifted, to justify my claim. I won't because I'm trying to force myself out of that mindset. Plus, that is boring for everyone else.
This morning her preschool teacher asked me if I work with her at home on numbers, colors, etc. Yes, I do. She said to keep doing it because RB is very smart. I appreciated that comment because it was not a conversation that I had to initiate, and I had a person with a lot of experience with her age group to discuss it with. But the conversation did not last long because there were other parents in the room and I feel uncomfortable talking about this matter in front of them. I have also stopped telling stories about RB's funny comments and observations to other parents because lately the reaction has been a look of sadness from them and their confession that their kids are not talking so much or doing those things. They are embarrassed and so am I. It becomes about comparisons rather than sharing the experience of parenting.
I need to be able to talk about her without appearing to be boasting--I'm not--and without making others feel inferior--they're not. When I bring it up to my mother, her responses are invariably to say "She's got good genes" or to compare her to my nephew who is close to her age. Not helpful. I am not fishing for compliments or looking for comparisons. I want to know how to nurture my daughter. I want to talk about my concerns for her starting public school (in three years, but I've always been an early worrier). I want to talk to her teachers at the new school she starts in August about how to challenge her in the classroom. I want to talk about what concepts I should be working with her on and what is too advanced to introduce. I want to have these converstations and I don't feel comfortable doing it.
Why do I feel so uncomfortable talking about this with friends, family, and other parents? Why is the response when I do bring it up always, "Well, of course she's smart." That feels like dismissal. I am frustrated right now with my discomfort talking about the topic and also with the lack of dialogue when I do bring it up.
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3 comments:
I think your concerns are absolutely valid, and I guess my only piece of advice (which you should take, as always, with a grain of salt as I'm not a parent), is don't let RB skip grades. Every. single. person. I've ever talked to that has skipped grades (and we're talking more than 1 here) has had serious problems with social maturity. And that's not an observation on my part; that's something they've told me.
My parents were asked to let me skip 2nd and 3rd grades, and they said no. I was already one of the youngest kids in my class, and that was a problem in and of itself later on. but I appreciate their decision oh so much.
After-school programs are wonderful for children like RB: music, art, acting, even kid-journalism classes would be great. Look into the Duke TIP program when she gets older, but above all, keep doing what you're doing. RB's a bright kid, and she'll get brighter and brighter as she gets older. You can't deny that; would you deny her talent in music or art in front of other parents? of course not :)
Again, this is my talking off my hat, but having seen RB's brightness in person, I had to speak up :)
Amy
I wrote this post about bragging on our children more than a year ago, and it's ostenbsibly about "cute-kid stories" but I think it applies here too.
I'm a mother in a similar situation, but also a teacher specializing in gifted education, and I'm working on developing citywide resources, including a parents' support group for 'gifted' families, for this very reason- very few people understand the challenges. And as far as the grade skipping goes, the research actually supports grade skipping to a large extent. Before you make a decision, you need to read "A Nation Deceived: How Schools Hold Back America's Brightest Students" by the Templeton National Report on Acceleration. The Department of Education will send you a free copy. After you read the research, you can keep it in mind along with your individual child's personalities. As a parent, I have mixed feelings about grade skipping, too- but when I read the research, I'm not ready to rule it out of hand if it comes to that.
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