I have never had a problem with self-discipline. I have always been on top of things. My adviser called me "remarkably efficient." Two years ago. Not anymore. I feel like I don't accomplish anything. Maybe the problem is that I've never been in the position where I had to make myself do something I really didn't want to do. I've had to do things I didn't want to do, but it was always for a class that had a solid deadline imposed by someone else. When I've had to discipline myself to get things done, I have always been interested in the task and motivated to complete it. Now I find myself with a task in which I am completely uninterested--rewriting the diss proposal--and I have to make myself do it because no one else is going to make me. There are some funding deadlines coming up, and I thought that would help, but no. Probably because I don't think I'll get the funding. There is no reason that my proposal shouldn't have been done and filed months ago. I feel like a loser.
Supadiscomama has suggested that pregnancy might be to blame for my lack of interest. At this point in my first pregnancy, it was May and school was out, and I spent my days floating in the pool, eating ice cream, and crocheting baby booties. I would love to make some baby booties right now. That would make me happy. But I must write. Seriously, Sarah. Write something. Today.
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6 comments:
Don't pressure thyself too much, there's nothing strange about being unmotivated as you come down the homestretch with this pregnancy.
Harrogate speaks as a perpetual neurotic. He knows of which he speaks. He gets more done when he's not turning the whole process into a Greek Tragedy. When it's starting to feel like a Greek Tragedy you must listen to some fun music, make some booties, and do everything in your power to laugh at yourself. Because you know, deep down, that you're going to get this work done.
write a little something--I'm finding the whole thirty minutes writing with timer thing effective--and then go make booties. booties are important, too.
You know that *I* know exactly what you're feeling...I felt the same way post-prelims and only 4 weeks away from baby coming. I did absolutely nothing on my work!! I cared about nothing except preparing for baby (even though it was my 2nd). First, remember that funding opportunities will come again in the fall, and if you're not doing extensive archival work, then you're not missing out on too much. Second, maybe "baby" steps on revising your proposal would help. Like, just starting with a revised outline? Or, just a revised statement of your research goal? Something fairly simple. If, as you've implied before, the problem is that you just can't imagine how the "new" version is going to look/work, you could frame it in those terms. That is, by asking or listing questions and lots of hypotheticals (i.e. "What would happen if ...") I'm just rambling here, but if you want to feel productive, then any kind of work that gets done might help. But, if you're really not even interested in being productive - for now - then I say just sit and think about all things baby until your mind can't take it anymore! :-)
I defended and filed my dissertation prospectus when I was pregnant, but I wasn't too motivated either, all I wanted was to think of the baby. It's very very hard, I know from experience.
Well, I have a horrible time with self-discipline and motivation. I particularly dislike revisions too, so I can't really give you any good suggestions. I just hope you can either do some progress or feel OK with not doing if that's what it comes down to. You can file this later, but you'll never be able to enjoy this pregnancy again!
Heck, even when I'm motivated, I'm not all that productive. I just had a bad couple of days and chalked it up to that time of the month...I've had some depression in the past, and whenever I have a really bad day when I can't muster any energy, I remember what ongoing depression felt like. The only thing that makes me feel better is thinking that this time around, it's only going to last a day or so instead of months. Pregnancy can really do you in too, at certain times. Give yourself a break and go make some booties!
Hi there. Very happy to find your blog and some of the others by academic moms! I feel sort of alone these days.
Honestly, I'm relieved to hear that lack of motivation is a sympton of late pregnancy. I'm supposed to be devoting myself to writing full time these days (I'm not working or teaching, so that's no excuse) but I can't seem to work up the energy to open my files most days.
One thing that helps me is to do drone work - update your c.v., work on your citation list, put your files back in order, order up a bunch of library books, whatever. But no one is ever going to accuse me of incredible self discipline - even at the best of times, so I'm probably not the best person to comment.
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