this is my career. this is my work. really.

This is not what I meant to write about this week, but something came up. My feelings are hurt.

I talked on the phone with my father-in-law last night, who is really a nice, well-meaning man, but somehow he hurts my feelings every time I talk on the phone with him. Last night he asked me if I had a regular job yet since all I am doing is writing a dissertation. He thinks I should work an 8-5, I guess (which I do, really, but, you know, it's different somehow). This is the same man who told me before my daughter was born that he thought mothers should not work outside the home until their children are in school, which I took as a direct criticism of my mothering (because it was). When I was in my master's program he also told me that I should get another job in addition to school. This summer when I told him about the class I was teaching, he said, "I'm glad you're finally at the stage that you can teach." I've been teaching for five years. I told him last night that I am teaching now, and he seemed surprised again. Then he asked if it was all day long, 8-3. I guess he was thinking grade school. I told him that, no, I teach one class and work on my research and writing the rest of the time. He said he couldn't imagine why someone would take two or three years to write a book (that's how I have explained the dissertation to them). I told him that most people take that long and that I don't do only that. I also have my teaching, and I am trying to publish some articles before I graduate. (And raise one, and soon two kids, for crying out loud) Oh, he said, so you might be making some money before you graduate, then. I explained to him that you don't really make money in academic publishing, that it is a requirement of your job. Well, that doesn't make much sense, he said. His wife, my mother-in-law, is a teacher's aid and she makes the same amount of money that I make (which is pitiful and unfair to her and others who have that job but beside the point right now). If the legitimacy of my work is measured in income, which it seems to be to him, then why is my work less legitimate than hers? Or maybe it is not legitimate because it is school, not "real" work. They still have the idea that my career has not yet begun, not that I am currently working within my career. This is my career. And my job. And I do get paid. A little. Or maybe I'm just too old to be in school. I should be done by now.

Whatever it is, I feel like my work is completely devalued. When I went to the conference last weekend, it happened to be in the city where my brother-in-law lives, so we all planned a get-together after I presented my paper. Several of my in-laws came, and we had a nice weekend. No one asked me about my conference. Not one time. The only question they ever ask me is when I will be done. I usually let things like this roll off my back, but last night when he told me I should get a job, it hurt me badly.